4 a. m.
Why do I do this to myself? It’s just past curfew. People stop by my room, sit down on one of our many welcoming chairs, mention college or something eminent in their lives, and so it begins. I love it, but I don’t.
The way people talk is so interesting. Empathizing with people in similar situations to myself gives me comfort to the point I can’t help but wanting more. We persist through the first couple minutes of scattered conservation, and end up finding a focus. Usually it’s about the future. Is what we are doing right now actually going to affect our future? Out of all the classes I am taking right now, I am legitimately interested in about half of them. In the rest, I just learn it to learn it because I know a bad grade is… a bad grade? We cycle through examinations of others and reflections on ourselves. Honestly, we are not “deep” at all. We are just trying to make sense of the ever increasing chaos of the world. The second law of thermodynamics does not only apply to molecular interactions we learn in chemistry. Some know what they want in life; others have no idea. None of us know exactly how we are going to get there.
Sometimes one throws out a riddle and we collaborate to solve it. Fifty prisoners are jailed. The prisoners can devise a plan before, and then the warden calls them out, in whatever order he wants, to a room that has solely a switch. This will be their only form of communication. They can all escape when at least one knows that all of them have been to the room. Time is irrelevant, and nobody can communicate other than through the switch being on or off after they devise a plan in the beginning. What’s the plan to escape? We go through these with our half-dead minds, believing we are clever. The solutions we come to seem pretty ingenious until we Google it and find out our solutions are the same as everyone else’s.
I abhor getting below 5 or 6 hours of sleep because I know I will feel horrible in the morning. Sometimes I realize it’s getting too late, and I tell them to get out, but often times I am too ingrained in the conversation to notice or care in the moment. Every single person in the room is interesting. One’s philosophy resonates through the halls of the dorm, although his reputation is not high in the eyes of many. Some are just torn up by the stresses of school. Others are taking it easy, doing their own thing. I’d like to think I am somewhere in between all of these; everyone tries to present the person they think they are, so everyone’s personalities can be exaggerated to an extreme, but inside everyone is probably a melting pot of a multitude of personalities. Writing this really has no weight, and I question whether or not the conversations have any either. Is it just rhetoric? Or are we approaching something huge in dialectic? I guess we’ll find out.
Now it’s 4 a. m. Everybody left. I question if the decision to stay up talking until 4 a. m. on dead-week is a good idea in anybody’s mind. “Life is about the journey,” one of my buddies always says. I guess these conversations are just releasing stresses for all of us. We spill everything we are thinking about. Everybody in the room is always liberal and open to new thoughts or concerns. I cannot recall how many times this has happened, but I know the number is greater than a few. I would probably have gone into more detail about the conversations, but I basically mind-dumped what has been on my mind in the most organized way a sleep-deprived mind can.
4 a. m. is the eternal hour; 3 a. m. let’s you get some sleep, and 5 a. m. shows you might as well just stay up. It’s just like this project from while back: Eternal. I don’t know what to do right now. I’ll probably get some sleep since I don’t have classes tomorrow. Maybe I’ll meditate. We’ll see. I’ll probably hold off on having another one of these nights until finals are over.